The Anti-Fix Guide to Menopause
Naming the Exhaustion
If one more article tells me how to fix my sleep, fix my sex drive, fix my weight, fix my moods, fix my skin, fix my gut, fix my morning routine → I might actually scream.
Everywhere you look, menopause is treated like a never-ending DIY project. Suddenly you’re not just a person, you’re a broken appliance that needs constant tinkering. You’re supposed to add 15 supplements, reinvent your diet, overhaul your wardrobe, meditate at sunrise, journal at sunset, and smile through it like you’re auditioning for Wellness Barbie.
But here’s the truth: you don’t need another plan to fix you. You don’t need another spreadsheet of supplements or a 5 a.m. “boss babe” routine. What you need is space to breathe. What you need is honesty: this is hard, this is messy, this is human.
So today, let’s try something different. Let’s lay down the toolbox and pick up something radical: permission.
Permission to rest.
Permission to rage.
Permission to laugh.
Permission to not be a project.
This isn’t a supplement stack. This is an Anti-Fix Guide.
💡 Point 1: You’re Not a Project
Somewhere along the way, menopause got framed like a to-do list:
- Fix the hot flashes.
- Fix the weight gain.
- Fix the mood swings.
- Fix the skin changes.
- Fix the sleep.
It’s exhausting just writing it. And the hidden message behind every “fix”? That you’re broken until you do.
But as Brené Brown has taught us over decades of studying shame and worthiness:
“Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.”
You are not valuable only when you’re symptom-free. You are not lovable only when you’re thin, glowing, and well-rested. You’re not waiting for a final stamp of approval once you “get it together.”
You are valuable because you exist.
Menopause is not a failure of upkeep. It’s not the body breaking down. It’s the body transitioning. It’s not a project to fix. It’s a season to live.
Reframe: You’re not a project. You’re a person.
🧠 Point 2: Emotional First Aid, Not Self-Improvement Bootcamp
Another toxic message: if you feel emotional in menopause, you’re weak. If you’re anxious, sad, irritable, or crying in a Target parking lot, the culture says: Fix it. Meditate more. Be grateful. Positive vibes only.
That’s not compassion. That’s gaslighting.
As psychologist Guy Winch reminds us in Emotional First Aid:
“We take emotional pain far less seriously than physical pain, but it’s just as real, just as significant, and just as deserving of care.”
When you scrape your knee, you don’t say: Ugh, I should be stronger than this. I’ll just walk it off. No, you rinse it, cover it, protect it, let it heal.
Why would menopause emotions be any different?
Irritability isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal your nervous system is overstretched.
Sadness isn’t weakness. It’s a sign of loss, grief, and transition.
Anxiety isn’t personal failure. It’s your body sounding the alarm under stress.
What you need isn’t a bootcamp. It’s a first aid kit.
Maybe that kit looks like:
- Calling a friend who gets it.
- Crying without apology.
- Taking a nap in the middle of the day.
- Sitting in silence for 10 minutes.
Reframe: Rest isn’t laziness. Tears aren’t weakness. They’re evidence you’re human, adjusting to seismic change.
🪞 Point 3: Radical Self-Acceptance in Midlife
Menopause has a way of triggering nostalgia. You scroll through old photos, see the smooth skin, the glossy hair, the flat stomach, and think: I want her back.
But chasing “the old me” is a recipe for constant disappointment. That version of you doesn’t exist anymore and that’s not tragedy. That’s evolution.
As Buddhist psychologist Tara Brach writes in Radical Acceptance:
“Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind, and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance.”
Radical acceptance in menopause means meeting this version of you without judgment.
Instead of “I want my old body back”, try: “This body is carrying me through right now.”
Instead of “I wish I were less moody”, try: “These moods are signals I need care.”
Instead of “I’m disappearing”, try: “I’m evolving.”
Who you are didn’t vanish. She transformed. She’s wiser, sharper, and frankly done with nonsense.
Reframe: You’re not losing yourself. You’re meeting yourself, again, in a new form.
⚡ Point 4: Let Them… and Let Yourself
One of the biggest stressors in menopause? Performing wellness for other people. Pretending you’re fine for your boss, your partner, your kids, your friends. Smiling through symptoms so no one feels “uncomfortable.”
But as Mel Robbins popularized with her Let Them Theory:
“Let them. Let people be who they are. Let them judge, misunderstand, walk away.”
Apply it to menopause:
- Someone doesn’t get why you’re tired? Let them.
- Someone rolls their eyes at your hot flash? Let them.
- Someone suggests menopause is “all in your head”? Definitely let them.
Stop twisting yourself into knots trying to please people who aren’t living in your body.
And don’t just “let them” → let yourself.
Let yourself rest.
Let yourself cancel plans.
Let yourself say no.
Let yourself be unproductive.
Reframe: Permission is powerful medicine. You don’t need to perform wellness for anyone.
🍷☕ Point 5: Guilty Pleasures Are Allowed
The culture says: cut coffee, cut wine, cut chocolate, cut carbs, cut sugar, cut Netflix.
And yet… here you are, already cutting energy, patience, and estrogen. Do you really need to add more deprivation to the list?
Listen: coffee, wine, chocolate, Netflix, reality TV marathons – they’re not sins. They’re survival strategies.
Yes, too much wine wrecks sleep. Yes, too much sugar spikes symptoms. But pleasure is not the enemy. Denial is.
Sometimes the healthiest choice isn’t kale. It’s a cookie eaten in peace. Sometimes it’s wine with a friend because connection matters more than your Fitbit data. Sometimes it’s coffee because you need to function like a semi-human at 9 a.m.
Reframe: Guilty pleasures aren’t guilty. They’re sanity savers. Menopause is hard enough. You don’t need a side hustle in self-denial.
☕ Point 6: Interview Your Influencers, Then Decide Who’s Actually worth a listen
Full disclosure: following menopause influencers isn’t the problem, it’s allowing them to talk at you as though you’re an empty vessel craving alarmist “last-call” messages that only elevate your stress. What I prefer, and what I invite you to try, is this: interview them. Listen for voices that soothe, that say, “If it’s not feeling right, it’s okay, but here are a few gentle things you can try.” That kind of curiosity is therapy in headphones.
I often tune into The Model Health Show with Shawn Stevenson, especially episodes like “The Truth About Menopause, Andropause & Optimizing Hormone Health” with Dr. Anna Cabeca Apple Podcasts or “Menopause, Weight Gain & The Hormone Shift” with Dr. Taz Apple Podcasts. His tone is wise, questions are grounded, and the approach always centers permission over panic.
Want a go-to shortlist of ten menopause influencers who deliver information not anxiety? Here you go:
- Dr. Anna Cabeca – The Model Health Show
- Dr. Tasneem “Dr. Taz” Bhatia – The Model Health Show
- Dr. Lisa Mosconi – brain health & menopause focus
- Chalene Johnson – approachable hormone education CHALENE JOHNSON
- Dr. Christiane Northrup – menopause icon
- Dr. Sara Gottfried – doctor meets self-compassion
- Dr. Jolene Brighten – deeply research-based + empathic
- Dr. Aviva Romm – herbal + integrative wisdom
- Cynthia Thurlow – practical habits for midlife
- Dr. Mindy Pelz – science-informed lifestyle shifts
If you love the empathetic, science-backed tone of Shawn Stevenson, here are 5 others who share that uplifting yet grounded delivery:
- Dr. Anna Cabeca – calm, relatable, and evidence-forward
- Dr. Taz (Tasneem Bhatia) – warm, no-nonsense hormone wisdom Apple Podcasts
- Chalene Johnson – treats menopause like real life, not a medical journal CHALENE JOHNSON
- Dr. Lisa Mosconi – neuroscientific depth delivered with gentleness The Model Health Show
- Shawn Stevenson himself (yes, doubling up!) – always inviting, never shaming
Take what lands. Leave the rest. Treat influencer content like fine tea, not medicine you’re forced to swallow. If it warms you, great. If not, no obligation to finish the cup.
🎭 The Anti-Fix Survival Kit
If we’re not here to fix, let’s at least stock the survival shelf. Imagine a menopause “starter kit” sold at Target:
- One electric fan for hot flashes.
- One heating pad for cold feet.
- A collection of snarky mugs: “Not broken, just hormonal.”
- A tub of ice cream labeled “Emotional Support Dairy.”
- Noise-canceling headphones (for everyone else).
- A laminated card that says: “I don’t owe you an explanation.”
No supplements, no detox teas, no miracle serums. Just tools to make it through the day.
🧘♀️ Calming Reframe
Here’s what you need to hear: You are not falling apart. You are not a problem.
Menopause is not a condition to fix. It’s a life stage to navigate. Yes, symptoms can be rough and you deserve support, care, and relief where possible. But relief doesn’t come from endless fixing. It comes from connection, honesty, humor, and compassion.
When you stop treating yourself like a renovation project, you make space for something softer: being alive, right here, right now.
It’s not about chasing the “old you.” It’s about honoring the you that’s here: tired, messy, magnificent, and still standing.